Pet Hates from a Script Reader: Mistakes to Avoid in Your Screenplay
When you’re writing a screenplay, it’s easy to forget that someone has to read it before it can reach the screen. That reader might be an actor, a director or, in the case of WriteMovies, a script analyst.
At WriteMovies, we read and judge hundreds of scripts every year. Sometimes, the writing gets in the way of the story. A simple movement takes three sentences. A character’s feelings are explained, but we’re given nothing to picture. An important moment disappears into a wall of action.
These are common habits that can make a screenplay harder to follow and less enjoyable to read. Individually, they might seem minor. Repeated across a script, they slow the action, bury important moments and leave the reader doing work the writing should have done.
Before sending out your next draft, here are seven pet hates from a script reader that are worth catching before your reader does.
1. Introducing an action instead of letting it happen.
Which of these reads better?
“We see the door swing open.”
“The door swings open.”
The second version gives us the action immediately, whilst the first makes us read an introduction to it. A screenplay describes what we’ll experience on screen, so “we see” usually goes without saying.
The same applies to “we hear” and “begins to”. If someone begins to open a door and then stops, that distinction matters. But if they simply open it, you can just say so.
The phrases aren’t forbidden, of course. The problem is using them almost automatically in your writing. It adds a small delay to action after action.
Watch out for “clearly” as well. “Clearly, she feels uncomfortable” asks the reader to accept that conclusion. But what makes her discomfort clear in the scene? Is it her body language? The way she reacts?
Give us something that makes the feeling apparent.
2. Giving me the complete biography of a cereal bowl.
“He opens his nutritious cereal and gently pours it into the blue, ceramic bowl.”
Do we need to know the cereal is nutritious? Do we need to know the bowl is blue? Unless those details matter, we’ve spent quite a while getting breakfast into a bowl.
“He opens his cereal and pours it into the bowl.”
The action is still there. All we’ve lost is a collection of adjectives and an adverb that may have been contributing very little.
Of course, the bowl might matter. Perhaps it’s his daughter’s bowl, which he insists on using after she has moved away. Perhaps the care he takes over this ordinary task reveals something important about him.
Keep details that earn their place through character, story or atmosphere. Question the ones that simply describe more stuff.
The reader’s attention is valuable. Always think about where you’re directing it.
3. Presenting a wall of action.
A long, unbroken paragraph can make a straightforward scene look exhausting before the reader has even started it.
As a useful working guideline, aim to keep action paragraphs to around three lines where possible. That encourages you to identify the important beats and give them room to register.
A character notices something. They respond. That response changes the situation.
Those moments may deserve separate paragraphs rather than being buried in one large block of text.
You don’t need to turn every sentence into its own paragraph or break a clear passage just to meet a line count. Look for the natural shifts in action and attention. Use the white space on the page to help the reader experience the sequence at the pace you intend.
4. Overcomplicating the tense.
“David is walking out of the house.”
“David walks out of the house.”
The simple present tense is direct and easy to follow, both for the reader and the actors and filmmakers who may eventually bring the scene to life.
It gives screenplay action an immediacy that repeated “is walking”, “is looking” and “is reaching” constructions can soften.
There will be occasions when you need to establish an action already in progress. But if the simpler version means exactly what you intend, use it.
Try reading your action passages out loud. You can often hear where the wording makes an uncomplicated action or description feel too laboured.
5. Giving me thoughts that the audience can’t see.
“She thinks it’s a bad idea.”
But how does the audience know that? Unless you give us access through something such as voiceover, we can’t read a character’s thoughts.
Instead, consider how this thought reaches the screen. Does she refuse? Ask a question? Agree after hesitating? Each of these responses tells us something different about the character.
She could slide an unsigned contract back across the desk. Or sign it, then photograph it when the other person leaves. The thought has become a choice we can watch, with very different implications in each case.
The challenge is finding an expression of the thought that belongs to this character and this scene. Replacing every internal feeling with a sigh or a clenched fist won’t make the writing more revealing.
6. Asking a face to do all the explaining.
“Her face shows she is worried.”
How?
You’ve directed our attention towards something visible, but left the actual behaviour unspecified.
Does her smile disappear? Does she glance towards the exit before answering a question? Does she keep checking her watch?
Those details give a performer something to work with and a reader something to picture. Their meaning comes from the situation you’ve created around them.
Equally, you don’t need to explain and choreograph every eyebrow raise or smile. Choose the details that make the moment clear, then trust the performer to bring something to it.
7. Directing the camera in every scene.
“CLOSE UP ON.” “PAN TO.” “WE TRACK IN…”
In a spec script, repeated camera directions can interrupt the story by telling us how to shoot every moment. Your writing can often guide our attention without prescribing the production’s shot list.
Ask yourself what the direction needs to achieve. Is there an important detail we must notice? A revelation that needs to arrive at a particular moment?
Often you can create that emphasis through the action itself.
“The envelope lies open. Empty.”
That directs our attention without specifying a shot. We can picture the important detail and understand why we’re looking at it.
Compare these two descriptions:
“He unlocks the door.”
“The key scrapes around the keyhole before finding its way in.”
The first moves us through the action. The second draws our attention to the difficulty of getting the key into the lock. Depending on the scene, that detail might suggest nerves, darkness or an unfamiliar door.
Neither dictates exactly where the camera goes. Both give the reader a clear focus.
There may be a specific visual idea that needs a camera instruction to make sense, such as showing a character’s literal point of view. Use it deliberately. If the direction adds nothing essential, let the action carry the scene.
What you should take away:
These script reader pet hates are all useful things to check during a final pass on your script, because they concern what the reader actually encounters on the page.
You already know the film in your head, but a new reader has to build their experience from the words you give them. Read your scenes with that in mind.
Can you picture the action? Are the important moments easy to find? Have you explained a feeling when a choice or reaction would tell us more?
Small changes won’t solve every story problem, but they can give your story a clearer chance to reach someone.
Want a fresh perspective on your screenplay?
Every entry to our Screenwriting Contest receives professional feedback.
Choose feedback on your opening ten pages, or select a Studio Coverage or Development Notes entry option for a report on your whole screenplay.
Every entry can also resubmit an updated draft for free before the final deadline. Though make sure to avoid our pet hates from a script reader for the strongest first impression!
Check the link below for upcoming deadlines and entry details: